Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
