Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
