are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
