FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
