Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
