so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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