I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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