what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
