Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
