So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
