Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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