You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
