Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
