States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
