everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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