You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
