omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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