Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Boobs speak an international language.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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