just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
