And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
