Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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