We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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