the condom got lost in my hair
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
