please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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