If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
