Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
