i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
