I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Randomize
