That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
