im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
