First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
