Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
