just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
