Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
