I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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