I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
