Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
