I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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