also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
