I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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