Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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