We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
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