so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
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