During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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