My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
