shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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