I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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