thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
