But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
