I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
