so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
