it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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