dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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