five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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