you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Randomize
