Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
