all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
