Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
